hope, for not all is lost.

Sunday, August 27, 2006 1:21 AM

capture their hearts

wads next Lord? I feel so stuck. I see these ppl where they are .. and.. i see where they COULD be. will they attain that place Lord? this world is so appealin.. God.. capture their hearT!

sometimes i wan to do more. but i dunno wad to do. I noe i shld leave them in ur hands.. but i cant but feel the burden.

It weighs down heavily upon my life. Tho' i dun show it, in my heart, i cry out that God! You wld transform their lives!!They are all amazing ppl. EVen if no one sees it, in my eyes, they are all winners.

Lord.. all i ask.. is.. that YOU oh Lord, would capture their hearts.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006 9:52 AM

silver pole

things are not going well. not going well at all.

the decisions that i made, are not seeming to work out.

the father says he has given me alot of valid reasons to stay. and its true. but i noe that if i cont to give tuition, i will not be able to cope with everythg. already dis whole week i'm not able to meet up with my cell. :( he says, its a critical yr for the boys. he says, think about the boys future. he says, its hard for him to find a replacement coz i'm trying to leave at the eleventh hour. he says, if the prob is money he's willing to pay me more. he says, why dun u ask your dad if u can leave early on tues n fridays.

am i being irresponsible? the prob is not the money. Its the fact that i noe i wun be able to gif my best to the boys coz of the time constraint. Thats why i decided to tell u earlier that i'm not able to cont givin tuition. At the same time i'm trying to find a replacement. But the way u say things, u realli make me feel bad if i dun cont giving.

well.. i guess u could say i brought this upon myself. all you ppl who told me to quit starbucks or quit tuition muz be laffin to urself rite now. haha. well.. i'm laffin at myself oso.

silly joy.

but seriously. this is pressure man.

the feeling is that of a building crumbling down. I feel like on the inside of me, i'm crumbling, breaking. on the way to work this morning, i had the image of a building that was breaking apart. The ceiling was falling, the walls were caving in. But in the midst of all that was happening.. there was like a silver pole right in the middle that was not moved. It stood upright even though everythg around it was falling down.

"God, you are my foundation, You are the one who holds me up. When i feel so broken n desolated, i cling on to You. Onli You are able to pull me through this time."

Its funny. Even tho i feel super frustrated n stressed, when i tink about God, it juz brings a smile on my face. He's my Father. I love Him.

Sunday, August 20, 2006 1:00 AM

accomplishment

what is true accomplishment?

without a goal in life. life has no meaning.

wad does God wan me to do?

"Lord, wad do you wan me to do?"

YES I'M LOST ... and i admit it.

Saturday, August 19, 2006 2:30 AM

"want it get it"

Can you remember when u were younger and u thought u cld haf everything ur heart desired?

I've come to realize that this world isnt perfect, and many times we dun always get wad we want. The "want it get it" mentality is one of a child.. and i realized that i used to think that way. By that i mean, i used to think that juz coz i want my life to go in this certain direction, it would. True, there are means to get wad u want.. but when u actually get wad u want, are u contented?

It's time for me to grow up.

Yet, that bein said, when God puts a vision in your heart, you can be certain that He will brg that dream to fulfilment.

"I'm lost without You Lord."

Thursday, August 17, 2006 11:32 PM

sacrifice.

I've decided to quit starbucks.

why?

I love starbucks.. i realli do.. i love the environment.. i love the ppl. But if i cont to work at starbucks, i will haf less time for family and cell.

Its not worth it.

Its not worth it to sacrifice my time with cell to work at starbucks. And i dun feel Gods grace upon me to continue working in starbucks.

I'm still praying abt it.. but i tink i noe wad God wans me to do.

If anyone from Gen 3.2 is reading this. I just want to let u know that i realli love you guys. and u wanna noe the reason why i'm making this decision??

I'm following the example of our Saviour.. He made the greatest sacrifice and it was all worth it. I may be making a sacrifice.. though it may not seem like a big one.. I know its worth it.

Its all worth it.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006 12:00 AM

confusion sets in

yes.. i'm realli confused. My dream job has asked me to work with them. what should i do? My heart is in one place n yet my body is in another.

So many paths to choose from but which one is mine?

If u're reading this.. please keep me in prayer.. i desire to be in the perfect will of God. What is His plan for me? Just pray for wisdom n that i would be able to hear His voice.

"Lord.. set me in the right direction. I want to live for You."

Tuesday, August 15, 2006 5:20 PM

work

first day of work today!

now at boon keng... my office is pretty nice! its actually a 2-storey shophouse.. howeva, alot of furniture hasnt moved in yet.. moving in on thurs.. so i shall show some before n after pictures soon!! haha.

supposed to gif tuition today aft work, but feeling realli tired, and not feelign too good.. yest stomach gave me a lot of probs.. so i'm no longer giving.. (sorry shawn n mark for not coming down this week)

I desperately need His presence.. somehow its onli in His presence that i feel rejuvenated n refreshed.. and its onli in His presence that i haf the strength to do all i need to do.

God.. give me more of ur presence. SAtuRATe me..

I need You.

Friday, August 11, 2006 1:50 PM

for cheryl!

SiX WEIRD QUIRKS / HABITS I HAVE

1. whenva i eat yong tau foo on sun at katong shopping centre (mmmmm) i will haf a pink spoon and pink saucer.,.. ( i'm still waiting for the aunty to get a pair of pink chopsticks!!)

2. When reading a book, i will keep reading until i finish that book, i usually try to finish it in a day (except for indepth christian and bible study material books)

3. I love to haf stuff planned out for the week, and i love to write it in my little book thingy n cross is out when i've done it. haha

4. If I'm watching a movie, i usually dont like to watch it with ppl who haf watched it already..coz they tend to spoil the show by telling u wad will happen next. therefore, i try my best to watch shows with ppl who haf not watched it before (that will be realli difficult to watch high sch musical.. coz practically everyone from cell has watched it! hahaha)

5. i love taking photos, and i wan to haf my whole desk in my office filled with photos.. (GEN 3.2, u heard that?? faster take more photos with me.!! haha)

6. I thoroughly enjoy going thru my old letters and photos.. and juz stuff from the past.. it brgs back such sweet memories, and realli brings a smile to ur face, when u see letters that were written to u when u were like in pri sch!!! haha.. i can spend hours juz sieving thru old old stuffs... (ps.. no, i dun live in the past.!)

FIRSTS

Best Friend: Leslie Gorrie! hahaha. he lived across the street.. we used to go over to each others hse everyday. We did crazy stuff such as running thru drains, hiking in the Big LONG KAng.. (where i tripped and fell and never went back there again), shooting, tunneling thru mattresses pretending we're army, racing, climbing trees, playing doctor, and even trying to fly. welll.. i guess that is wad u get when ur childhood best fren is a guy! haha..

Crush: In k2.. my partner.. an ang mo guy.. oh my goodness, i can still remb how he looks like.. SO CUTE!!

Movie: erm.. is barney considered a movie?! haha.. i tink my first movie was LITTLE MERMAID!!

Lie: hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. i haf totally no idea. mayb i stole a cookie frm a cookie jar.

LASTS

Cigarette: how do u haf a 'last' if u've never had a 'first'

Drink: water.

Ride: mrt from doby ghaut, where we took the NEL line to outram, and the green line back again.. LAME.

Movie: When a stranger calls.. watched it alone at 12 am. SCARY.

Phone call: A lady from 'create talents'.. asking me to go down for an interview

CD: French.. hahaha.. BONJOUR!

HAVE YOU EVER... .

..dated one of your best friends? No

...been arrested? No.

...skinny-dipped? do u haf to be skinny to dip? okay lame. NO.

...been on television? hmm.. when i was p6 and some interview was asking me and this other boy wad is christmas abt. I said some intellectual thing abt christmas starting from a guy named noel, and the other boy said, santa came down thru his garbage chute. Yes, u can guess who appeared on tv most of the time.

...missed someone ya don't know? hahahhahaha. wad do u mean? missed someone.. who i dunno. LAME!

THINGS

Four things you did today: studied, messaged, woke up late, ate instant noodles for lunch.

Four sounds you can hear at this very moment: my fan blowin, paper flipping, raindrops, and the soft whisper of the Holy Spirit .. :)

Tuesday, August 08, 2006 12:04 AM

wheres ur love today?

"Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore i will deliver him;He shall call upon Me and i will answer Him"

the above verse is found in Psa 91. Realli spoke to me. coz recently been telling God that i need so much more of Him. With each new person He brings into my life, and with each passin day, i'm finding that i cant live without Him.

i realli cant.

the emptiness that fills my heart when i cant find Jesus is overwhelming. every morning i wake up yearning for more of Him.

Without Jesus, i wldnt be able to find the strength that i need for the day.

Friends are hard to find these days.. true, the ppl arnd me are all great ppl. but u noe, at times, in fact all the time.. when u realli need someone, the ppl arnt arnd. no, dun get me wrong, its nobody's fault. In fact.. this all just draws me closer to Him.

"Jesus, be with me this day."

Sunday, August 06, 2006 10:35 PM

times of refreshing

"times of refreshing.. here in Your Presence.. No greater blessing, than being with You."

Pst Daniel was so on the dot today, God realli speaks!

Juz in the morning i was speaking to Dajie regarding some cell issues, and was telling him... I'm so tired.. so burdened.

All i wanted to do today was to give the burden to God.. hand it all over to Him.. telling Him that no one can take care of these pple betta than Him. Telling Him that i need so much of His GRACE.
I realli need His grace, coz i feel so helpless and lost without it. When i see His pple going thru things, things that hurt them so deeply and yet they try to cover it with a smile. It breaks my heart. I believe in these ppl, and i noe God has a plan for their lives just waitin to unfold before their eyes.

I see so much potential, and i want to help them fulfil it.

But, more than anythg else.. i see each and every single person. They are not juz a name on the attendance sheet, or a name on a members list. They are real ppl with real issues n real feelings. They are God's children... And each n every one He noes them by name, and they are all precious to Him.

They are precious to me too.

"God.. give me the grace for the week. Help me to live for u every single day. Never let me live a day without your presence."

Tuesday, August 01, 2006 11:26 AM

"now wad??"

lets see... its the 2nd day of the week, 1st day of the month, and i'm SUPPOSED to be in work.. as u can see, i'm not.. there was some miscom so yea, apparently i start nz wk.. not sure oso.

haha.. anyway, OBD was juz 2 days ago.. I felt it happened all so fast.. like so many months of hard work all finished in one day. the crowd of ppl was amazing.. And so now.. i tink many of us might be thinking.. "now wad??".. whats next aft OBD. It seems that things might not haf changed.. but seriously, i believe in the Spirit, we haf moved up a notch, and more than anythg, SEEDS haf been sown, even in those of ur frenz who might not haf seemed interested.

praise God.. 2 salvations in my cell! Kiat wee, and doris, BE ENCOURAGED! the Lord CAN use you to touch your frenz!! ;):):):):):)

so.. back to the ques of "now wad??" .. NOW IS THE TIME TO WORK. lets not be lazy. I loved pst yangs msg during first.. He said why do we condemn those who drink etc, but not those who are lazy.. in the Bible there is not one verse that exalts laziness. DUN BE PROCRASTINATORS. call up your frenz, keep praying.! lets be ppl who not onli haf faith in God to do miracles, but lets move a step higher and add work to our faith! I'm realli like speaking to myself la. coz i tink i can be pretty lazy.. many times will dun feel like doin anythg, even tho i got lots to do.. haha. but Praise God, He's giving me the grace to manage my time :)

THE LAMB OF GOD DESREVES THE REWARD OF HIS SUFFERING!!