Poor tiger is looking bored.. see how he's staring out the "window...

"Let me out! Let me out!!"

Female hamsters get pretty vicious when they're taking care of their babes.. so i had to separate tiger from her, or he'd get bitten!! Look at him.. he has to do with this temporary home, coz my other cage got stolen.. (anybody with a kind soul, do feel free to bless me with a cage! )

Well, it was a v pleasant surprise.. :)

Sometimes female hamsters will eat their babies, or neglect them.. Amazingly, tho delphia is pretty young, she has pretty good mummy hamster senses.. like how she created a nest and was aware of each of her little young ones. I hope there will be no casualties, and in two weeks, i'll haf 4 healthy babies!!!

i love full moons.

today while jogging.. realized that the moon tonite is kinda blocked out by a layer of clouds.. u can still see the moon, but not the shine of it.

as i was walking home and thinking upon the moon (LOL)..
i realized in many ways my life is like that moon. think of the moon as the life of christ that is in us. no matter how many trials and events, things, circumstances, ppl, horrid memories and experiences.. no matter how many layers, even if they seem to block out the life of Christ in us. the fact is, Christ still lives in us.

I like wad wendy said today.. "Does it mean if its raining i become indian, or if its snowing i become malay?"

in the same way that we dun change our race and skin color juz coz we feel like it, shldnt we feel some sense of loyalty to being a christian. I'm the first to say, i'm prob not the best christian in the world. when bad things happen, i'm prob one of the first to turn around and question God.



"I still choose to believe"


Right now, its all about trusting in God and His sovereignty.


Its true that i've been wanting a break, and been so tired and exhausted. EVen to the point of thinking of not gg for 3rd tmr. But the fact of the matter is, do i go for the pple. or do i go for God. right now, at this time, today. i can honestly say, i wan to go for God. not to prove anythg, not to be spiritual. but juz because, i choose to believe that He's a miracle working God.

even when my feelings and emotions tell me otherwise. and doubt and bitterness try hard to work their way into my heart. God, help me to keep my heart pure. Pure from the evil in the world, pure from the malecious tongue, pure from judgmental thoughts, and most of all, pure from the big "I". from all the selfishness and pride that us humans are all prone to.

truth: i'm like a fiesty tiger. Ever ready to pounce back if i see sthg our of sorts. haha..

but u noe wad, maturity noes meekness..

do i trust Him enough to leave it to Him. To not fight back nor to stand up for my rights.

I believe i can only be free when i let go and leave it be.



i'm not saying things from now on will be like a bed of roses. but, at least, i believe that My Father is cmg home.



sorry for taking my eyes off You. You're God coz you're seriously the best la. teach me how to live by ur standards and not to conform to the pressures of the world and people.


so i woke up at 12.35pm and saw two missed calls on my hp..
was too lazy to call back, and decided to snooze a little more...
cldnt go back to sleep and so i called noel...

"hey.. u called?"

"yea.. i'm on my way down to the airshow"

(jumps out of bed) "WHAT!?!? I WAN TO GO OSO. WAIT FOR ME! I'M ON MY WAY"

bathes and gets ready in 20 mins. can u believe that.

wad a pleasant surprise that i managed to make it down to the airshow today! :D

took lotsa pics, but will post nx time. lazy to upload. heehee

THANKEW noel for asking me! and of course, thanks to dillon, who without him and his company, noel wldnt have gone, and den, i wldnt haf gone either! HAHAHA.




NEXT
harp and bowl today..
me to liz, "huh. the cell going bowling??"

blame it on my blur-ness.




NEXT
so yea. mayb i'm trying to escape. aiya, its not mayb. i NOE for sure that i'm trying to find an easy way out. and of course, being the clever person that i am, i noe running away and trying to escape wun help one bit.


but time for the moment of truth.

I've reached a point of maximum frustration already la. seriously, i tink, if anymore, i will juz blow up, and explode into a million pieces.

sorry if i cant respond the way u want me to. but i honestly need a break.

thankew for understanding though.


i need to get my focus back. things are a lil messy right now.
If i dun rely and trust in God totally, being a christian is in vain.
sumtimes i tink church becomes like a cult if u take God out of it.
God is drawing me to Himself, but i cant run to Him like i shld when faced with all the opposition.

I need to be able to juz focus on Him u noe. putting all things aside.

enough is enough la.

i need a break, and a break is wad i need.





cant keep forcing myself into this. i really buay tahan liao.


too bad for u if u dun understand.


so i had sthg on at simei.
and decided i wld pop by and visit austin.

austin, jia you! keep trusting God. I know its hard. i'll be praying for u :) reallly.


also, i got a free ticket to the spore airshow, from joshua who got it from austins' dad. i really really v interested to go. but i'm not sure how to get to the place, and there's no one gg with me. i seriously dun mind gg alone, i juz v sian of the travelling part. ha. oh wells, we'll see if noel might be able to get any more tix.












i tink i'm a v v selfish person.

prob scaring away all the frenz that i haf.

pple are gg thru worse then me, but i cant seem to take my eyes off myself.

this week has been tough. And i'm only halfway thru it.

o God.

just kill me la.

its really v v v unbearable leh.







hAIiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii









God....... :(



you're probably right. i'm naive.


have u been introduced to my new pets??

bam-de-blue the panda



swa-red-ski the pig



iamalien the cat!



ya... i was bored, and these online pets are absolutely adorable, besides the fact that u cant do much except feed them. HAHA. thanks weeshan for helping me to align everythg. ure the pro man! ha





NEXT..


anyway, i prob shld blog abt yests dinner and XIN DAI FUNG.. i think thats how its spelt.

the funny thing is that YR called me and asked me go eat dinner along w teojiafu.he mentioned he had craving for xiao long bao. Not surprising, he was late. so while TJF and i were waiting for him, we went to check out the prices. If u dun already noe, i'm on a budget lifestyle.


so, we thought of telling YR to choose another place.


then, YR called and he said hes at xin dai fung. so we went there.. cldnt see him outside, and guess wad. HE WAS ALREADY INSIDE... well done. seal our fate liao.

haha, but ok la. the xiao long bao was v satisfying. nice nice. pictures are in YR's phone. will post them up when he sends them to me.!





NEXT...

so its tuesdays... cant say "i love tuesdays".. coz today was a pretty tiring day. only managed to study 3hrs of TRIGO.. thanks to the tuition teacher whos so bored till he msges "i love trigo" into that mac tv thing. Gosh. can die of lame-ness. but honestly, i really whacked my brain hard and managed to fin quite a bit. nothing to be proud of tho, since my work is way overdue.



on mon someone remarked to me "i wish can be like u, no stress"

haha. not exactly true. of course, i dun face such stress as u students in crazy kiasu spore. but i do haf that stress of graduating late and not knowing wads the nx step etc.





NEXT...

hmm. wad's my greater purpose in life.
i juz feel without a purpose, i get so bored and aimless.
i mean generally, without a purpose, we juz have nothing to live for.
i cant stand, just living and .. having this weird sad feeling. haha..





even tho today is only tuesday, its as if i'm counting down the days to sunday, and dreading it.
i remb saying, "for once in my life i come to church for God and God alone."
truly, with no ministry, no sheep, etcetc. if i din love God, i prob wldnt bother gg church anymore.



i miss 3.2 :(

they were the first and only cell i had the priviledge of seeing grow from nothing and movin on strong.
glad to hear they're doing great.
hearing about how they're doing now, makes me feel like i did a lousy job.

but that doesnt really matter does it? i'm happy to look from afar and pray. they'll always have a special place in my heart :)

"do u tink you'll lead a cell again"

"not in generations, no."

i wonder wad wednesday will brg. I hope it will only get better :)





Quote for the Day:



I remb it was wendy who mentioned this to those of us who went to pray for the zone on monday last week. she mentioned "we have not coz we ask not". And even though pst lip yong preached that on sun, it only reallly sank in on monday. it got me thinking, and puttin aside the fact that sometimes we dun ask coz we dun believe God will answer, many times, we dun ask coz it nvr crosses our mind to ask! "we ask not coz we WANT not".

when i tink of want. i'm not thinking of want vs needs kinda thing. but more of our desire and hunger for God. the realization that we cant make it on our own if we want to accomplish things for God. Coz all accomplishments shld stem from love. and true love, only comes from God.



NEXT
I love mondays!
somehow, the recent mondays that i've had haf been pretty nice. I know there are monday blues. but for me, its more like. JOYful mondays!

prob its coz i feel i haf a new week ahead, and that excites me.

its funny how i might be excited for a new week, since i practically dun do much.
dun get me wrong, i dun slack arnd (boos to u who think i do. all ye of little faith). but wad i do, from monday to friday.. is STUDY. yes, u wldnt believe it. but i'm in a chiong-ing season right now, coz if i dun finish my assignments by may26th, i wun be able to graduate! gosh. that will be really funny. HAHAHHA.

also, on mondays, for no apparent reason, God blesses me with that sense of his sweet sweet presence.

mayb coz, the battles are on head to head during weekends, but when i'm finally alone, with myself, my bed, my pillow, bible, fan.. okay, getting random. still, when i'm alone juz with God, His presence begins to comfort and strengthen.

so anyway, i've gotta get back to my chiong-ing schedule. not feeling too well today tho. prob coz of the late nite i had. my eyes are swollen and pain-ning. HAHAHA. and the feel v watery. not an uncommon prob, like i've said many times...

LATE NITE SLEEPING CAUSE PREMATURE AGING.!

hai. joy, listen to ur own advice.

tata~s! oh oh. my mom made tempura soft shell crab for lunch... WOO HOO.

Thank you thank you thank you. Keep me humble and broken before you :)



wa. chim word manz.

but apparently, since i promised to talk more abt it.. no choice lo, gotta explain why this word suddenly came up in my dictionary.

the story is, this week, its suddenly dawned upon me that we only got one life to live. and all our problems.. if u put them in perspective of the world as a whole, u realize, ur problems ain't that big after all. many of the things we get our heart broken over, or stuff that makes us so mad, when u put it in its place and tink with a clear head, u realize that actually, its not that big of a deal. Sure, at that point of time u would prob feel that life sucks and everythg is going horribly wrong.. but once again, if u look at it from another perspective, you'll see that u still have a whole lot of other things to live for.

I mentioned this thought that i had to someone, and he told me theres actually a psychological term for it.. which is PHENOMENOLOGY. cool rite!! i'm a born psychologist!! anyone want check up... i give u first session, 50% discount! u juz treat me lunch and i'll psycho u. HA.

i v lazy to go find out the real meaning.. but guess its sthg like that. =)

so bearing in mind that thought, this whole week went by so much better.

everytime an unpleasant thought crossed my mind, i was reminded of God's greater plans, and the fact that.. i'm turning... yes... turning.... 20. (sigh). so. i dunno, i juz dun wan to waste my life feeling regret, sadness, anger, unforgiveness.. besides the fact that its childish, and harbouring all this feelings will make me age faster (LOL), the truth is, I DON'T WANT TO LET MY LIFE GO DOWN THE DRAIN and stay bitter forever.


NEXT..
things were gg well till.. today.. in a sense.

i cant believe that even on saturday, i had to get affected. just coz i saw that face. And, wads more i wasnt even looking out for the face. just happened to glance arnd the front when the ppl were responding and saw ______... AS A COUNSELLOR?!

gosh.

thats wad affected me the most i guess..
and like liz said, it juz confirms my suspicions.

why do ppl hafta tink i'm the bad one, whereas _____ gets off the hook so easily.

oh wells, i guess ppl's mindsets and biased-ness dun change overnight.

i'm sorry, but i just haf to state it out here: ITS TOUGH BEING MISUNDERSTOOD. but yet at the same time, i cant be bothered to speak out and clear my name. if _______ doesnt bother to tell the truth.. (not implyin that ____ din tell the truth, but probably by keeping silent, led ppl to believe sthg that is not truth.) i guess, its best that things turned out the way they did, or i'd nvr have seen those true colors.

it makes me sad though. sad that someone i trusted so much. could be so ugly. sad that someone i believed in so much, could turn into a whole different person.

the truth is, as all these thoughts were passing thru my mind today during svc, i kept telling God, i trust in u and that ultimately, all these probs tt i'm havin are not that big. But i was still affected. The heart doesnt heal that fast :)

the healing process is tough, but i'm determined to go thru this, even if it means battling with past experiences and emotions. i choose not to hide it under the carpet, and instead, as God continues to reveal things of my heart to me, i choose to offer them to Him. and ask Him to take them away and replace them with His characteristics. many times, i feel like runnin from all the hurts. but hey man, wads the point in that. What kindof person would i be if i let these experiences ruin the rest of my life.

Thank God for God. REALLY. coz without Him, i wouldnt noe wad to do.

well.. after venting.. to a .. computer screen.... AMAZINGLY, I FEEL MUCH MUCH BETTER! haha! like i said.. it wasnt much of a big deal, but aft talkin to God, just had to say it out somewhere. ha. thanks blog.



LOVE YOUR LIFE, OR CHOOSE TO DIE

i say this because, theres really no point in living if u dun love your life. I choose to live mine with a smile on my face. coz, life's too short to be laying in a corner all hurt, sad, and angry.

God's a Good God. And i trust Him. :)

have to sleep soon! LATE NIGHT SLEEPING CAUSES PREMATURE AGING! its true! really! =D


YUMMILICIOUS DAY! (tom yum tom yum tom yum yum)

Today was the first time i celebrated v-day.. I really felt the love...
at HEARTLAND MALL.. wah.. alot of heart there, so full of love. ok sorry, liz has apparently infected me with her virus.. v deadly.. the COLD virus. all her lame jokes

example 1:

Joy " Eh, we finished liao rite. the waiter chasin us out.. Let's call for the bill"

Janice (nods head)

Liz (excitedly) "OKAY!"

Joy (stares quizzically at liz)

Liz "Later one guy come out.. 'Hi! i'm Bill!"

Joy (chokes and dies) -- one of the many victims of liz's cold jokes

okay la, today i spare all of u and juz give one example.

oh wait! i juz tot of another one..

example 2:

(enter into body shop)

(Joy sprays new limited ed white musk perfume on left hand.)

Joy "i tink the original white musk nicer leh.. "

Liz "Go try the original one la. spray one on each hand!"

Joy (walks towards white musk perfume)

Liz (in an excited voice) "EH!! THE NEW PERFUME" (proceeds to take the green colored perfume bottle, labeled 'apple-bloom')(she then sprays the perfume)

Joy "AHHHH! WHY U SPRAY JUST NICE KENA MY HAND)

liz (bursts out laffing)(proceeds to spray the perfume AGAIN.. perfume lands on her upper arm)
(bursts our laffing AGAIN) "hahahha.. i dunno where i spraying la. hahaha"

indeed, from this experience we can infer that liz shld never ever work as a perfume sprayer.


NEXT..
(i keep telling her we're juz biased towards all those "gentlemanly guys" coz its v-day.)

But seriously, i feel that v-day is overly exaggerated. in the sense, its a day where everyone is dating, and i mean.. it kinda loses its meaning? Oh wait, in the first place, i dun even noe wad valentines day means. I intended to go check out the meaning, but heck la, not impt oso. SO, if anyone has time, tell me wad is the history of V-DAY!


anyway..

i learned a new term today..


PHENOMENOLOGY..

talk more about PHENOMENOLOGY tomorrow!!

(hope i spelt it right)

well..ITS PAST MY BEDTIME!
late nights causes premature aging.... REALLY... and u wonder why u look so old. HAH!

tata's! ($.$)


You Are On Our Side

The orphan clings to Your hand
Singing the song of how he was found
The widow rejoices
For her oppressors are silenced now

You sit at the table with the wounded and the poor
You laugh and share stories with the thief and the whore
When You could just be silent and leave us here to die
Still, You sent Your Son for us
You are on our side

The runaway falls at Your feet
You are what he has searched for
The rich man is broken
When he stands beneath a sky full of stars

You sit at the table with the wounded and the poor
You laugh and share stories with the thief and the whore
When You could just be silent and leave us here to die
Still, You sent Your Son for us
You are on our side

You sit at the table with the wounded and the poor
You laugh and share stories with the thief and the whore
When You could just be silent and leave us here to die
Still, You sent Your Son for us
You are on our side

Still, You sent Your Son for us
You are on our side


It means alot to me that God would care.
i've had enough.
frustration is more than attacking me, its destroying me.
but then.. God's love saves me. :)

facing my fears.
overcoming hurts.
isit worth it?

"when we choose to face our fears, God honors"

Really? Then i guess.. thats what i can look forward to.
why are we not able to brg ourselves to praise God even when we're in the lowest pits?
hey man, i'm at the pit of pits right now. i couldnt go any lower. so what will i lose..
what would i lose by trusting God.

O God. Draw me near. Away from all the untruth and falsehood. Help me.

Joy Tan.
twent-TEEN.
# 2.
260588.
Lime Green.
Generations, Cornerstone.
Ice Cream.
sad.

I need you.

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